why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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