I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
