Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
