I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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