The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize