just tell him i said nine months
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
