I cannot find my penis.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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