hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
