He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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