ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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