So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
