Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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