she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
where are you?
Hypothermia
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
