I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
