Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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