You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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