I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
whose parrot is this?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize