i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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