You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize