Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
