i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize