I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
