I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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