just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
