New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
