Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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