I heard we made out
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize