im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
