Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
