U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i drank out of a bidet.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
