I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize