My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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