he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
