so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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