My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
