it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize