I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
