Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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