yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
