white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
