I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
