3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
