sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
