No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
