I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
