3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Nicole vs. Life
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
