Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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