No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's shark week go big or go home
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
