Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
