guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize