Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
