i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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