Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
operation harelip BJ is a go
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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