Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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