Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
