Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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