You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
