he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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