Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
