Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
