They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
