My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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