Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
