are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
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