I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
