In the future we'll all be gay
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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