just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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