I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
