I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
