i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize