I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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