ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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