Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize