Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
