"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
