apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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