I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
