Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We're not piercing ourselves today.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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