That's intense
I skipped work to stalk him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
