I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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