Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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