I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
