So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize