I look better un-naked...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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