I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
