I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
