And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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