we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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