She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
