You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
