Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
