If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You are a genius and a whore.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
