I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize