He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
