Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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