whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
