Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's never too late to be topless.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
