My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
