he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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