The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
