you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I party with great urgency now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
