Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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