Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
