I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I AM VODKA MAN
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
