Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
